Is imitation ALWAYS the best form of flattery?

One of my lovely clients just sent me to a link of the Facebook page of another photographer who she felt was copying me. I am human after all so out of sheer curiosity I checked it out. This person is quite close to me in location so I guess you could say we are competitors.

This studio has been around longer than me and so maybe the arrival of Oh La La has ruffled their feathers
- who knows? What I DO know is that since I have started doing the "before and after" showcase images, they have too. They have recently announced the purchase of a silver bed (very similar to mine) and yes, you guessed, it a chaise longue just like mine. They even recently posted that their favourite colour combination is pink and black. Hmmmmmm !!!

Now they are running competitions - just like I do - they haven't done that before either but I guess they are stalking my Facebook page for daily tips?! I did have to chuckle when the same cartoon that I had shared had showed up on their page ten days later too. I mean, seriously? When does it start to get a bit embarrassing for them?

To be fair though, all artists are inspired by others and any that say they aren't need to check themselves!

For example, modern "pinup" style (coming soon to Oh La La Boudoir) was originally created and inspired by the legendary Bunny Yeager and Bettie Page. I may have even tried out a pose of two that I had seen elsewhere (not on my doorstep though!!) but there is a HUGE difference however between being inspired by someone and totally kidnapping EVERY. SINGLE. BLOODY.  idea (marketing or otherwise) that they have.

In this case, imitation is NOT the best form of flattery!

Still there is a train of thought that says if someone is copying you then by definition they are BEHIND you. They can copy marketing campaigns, furniture and even poses. What they CAN'T imitate is my passion, the genuine love for each and every one of my clients and you know, that little bit of "Oh La La".

In a way you have to feel sorry for someone that in a creative field lacks their own vision.

So anyway - I have the following competition running. Please, share this blog if you care to do so and also comment to be in the draw. Thank you my lovely friends :)

Accepting a Compliment

Why do some of us women find it so hard to accept a compliment? I am noticing this with my work in the boudoir.

I have experienced that some of my clients, when told they look beautiful tend to say things like "it is the makeup artist " or "it is the clever photographer".  As much as I HATE to argue with that last one (ha ha) it sort of makes me sad.

I got an email today from a happy client that read "Is it wrong to keep looking at photos of yourself lol?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM ALL!!!"

The short answer to that question is NO!! Look at them, love them, show them to everyone and be proud of who you are.

This isn't about looks on a shallow level, this is about just loving yourself just as you are. All of us, both genders, all ages, shapes and sizes!! It is just as important to be nice on the INSIDE too and one of my favourite movies ever is Shallow Hal. Any film with the lovely Jack Black is a winner for me anyway but the fact that he could only see what was on the inside was just amazing.

I am the mother of four beautiful girls and I always tell them when they look nice. I think it is so important for self esteem to build people up. If someone looks nice then tell them. Who doesn't like a compliment? There is nothing worse than getting all dressed up, feeling nice about yourself and then nobody seems to notice.

Come on ladies - be honest - how many times has your significant other NOT paid you a compliment when you have had your hair done or bought a new dress and you secretly seethe and plan the poisoning of their next meal? No? Just me? Awkward!


On a serious note though, if I am being honest I have the same problem. If someone says "you look nice", I will instantly come back with "Oh but I have gained weight" or "Oh gosh, this is just a cheapy from Primark". Why don't we just say thank you?

I challenged a friend once (not in an aggressive "with swords" sort of way) when she dismissed a compliment and she said that she didn't want to seem vain.

Now, you may have guessed from my last post that I like to look at definitions of words so let's look at the word Vanity for a moment:

Vanity (Noun); Excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit:

Appreciating a compliment or accepting (really accepting) that we look nice when we have made an effort isn't excessive pride, is it?

Next time someone pays you a compliment, before you rebuff it, accept it. Smile, bask in the good feeling and say thank you :) Don't forget to pay compliments too - if costs nothing and could make somebody's day.

Love,
Karen
x

What's in a Name?

Yesterday a comment was made on one of my lovely client's photos that she had generously allowed me to show on my Facebook business page.

A woman (who I  do not know but obviously found my page) wrote "am I the only one that thinks this is slutty?"

My client was obviously hurt by this comment and I was, well, Gobsmacked. How could a total stranger be so CRUEL?

Let me take a moment here though, let's give this question a second (that is all it is worth).

The "technical" definition of slutty (a derivitave of the word slut) is:

Slut (noun)

1. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.
2. Obsolete . a dirty, slovenly woman.

The beautiful lady in question is not immoral or a prostitute - she is in fact a single mother who works her "you-know-what" off every day to raise her kids by herself. This woman has a wicked sense of humour, an infectious laugh and a heart of gold. Is she dirty or slovenly? Nope, not at all so the ACTUAL answer to this offensive question is NO!

It got me thinking though, what was the purpose of this woman's comment. Clearly she didn't have the courage to stand by her opinion as she removed it (after lots of outrage and support from others) so why write it in the first place? Just to be mean? Out of jealousy? Why?! Did it make her feel better about herself to put another female "down"?

Was I personally hurt by this from a business or artistic point of view? No, not at all.

Had she written something about the lighting, the composition or staging of the shot then maybe I would have had my artistic feathers ruffled (although probably not because photography, like all forms of art is subjective and if I like it and my client is happy then I don't really give a monkey's) but she didn't. She went PERSONAL.

All of my clients have a story. They are human beings with feelings and lives. My business goes deeper than just taking photographs for me, the image at the end is just the cherry on the top. What I do is help women to see themselves - really see themselves without all of the baggage that we all carry around from day to day.

My clients have been ladies with MS, who use sticks to walk and for the first time in years for some of them lay on the bed and let me help them into 6" heels and feel good about themselves (apart from when I invariably try to put them on the wrong feet and squish their toes). I have had ladies who have had reconstructive surgery after breast cancer who were able to embrace their body, a lady approaching her 50's  wanting to celebrate being sexy and curvy, a young girl with ME who, after gaining weight was lacking in confidence and got a much needed boost. I could go on an on about the stories that all of my clients had to tell.

So I asked the question "What's in a Name?" and by that I mean name calling ... calling someone slutty.

For my client it was hurt and pain. It was fear that people might actually think she was slutty (until she then read the outpouring of love and support that followed).

For me, last night,  it was outrage that someone could be so mean about someone that they know nothing about and so rude.

This morning it is pity. I actually feel sad for a person that would write such a thing. I believe what you give out you get back. What you send out in to the Universe is returned to you. I am sending out love and light to this lady as she clearly needs it.

So no, I don't think that people think the picture is slutty and IF they do (and we all entitled to our opinions and have different views on seeing ladies in their undies) then they obviously have been raised like me - if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.

I look forward to reading more lovely comments about how stunning my clients are and would encourage ALL women to lift each other up, not try to knock each down. Life already throws enough at each and every one of us.

Peace.

Kassidy

I am so lucky to have been able to photograph somebody very special to me. This young lady constantly compares herself to her peers, always finding negatives to pick on as many of us do.

It is EASY to find fault and to look at the parts of us that wobble or squish. Kassidy told me stories of shopping with "slimmer friends" and feeling bad about herself. I think she might have been looking in a circus mirror if she saw anything other than complete, stunning beauty looking back at her.

I think you will agree - this young lady is GORGEOUS! My makeup artist had to run out to the local store to buy more spray for those gorgeous locks of hair. Might have something to do with the Italian DNA ;) Beautiful!

Age is Just a Number!

I was recently asked by a very good friend if my work has an age restriction. I very quickly confirmed that absolutely YES, my clients have to be eighteen (and I do ask for proof) to have an Oh La La Boudoir photo shoot.

She paused and then said "No, I mean an UPPER age limit".

What???? No way!!

Female beauty, in my opinion, doesn't have an expiration date. Of course I am the same as most women, I check the mirror to see if there are any more wrinkles and my eye bags seem to be turning into suitcases as each month goes by but for the most part I am doing OK for a woman in my forties (43 to be exact). Would I like to still be in my 20's? Hmmm ... not actually sure on that one because I think I am more confident in myself now. I certainly care less about what other people thing of me, that is for sure!

I recently had a BEAUTIFUL client, Karen (aren't all cool people called Karen?!)  in the studio, who in six weeks will be celebrating her 50th birthday.

She told me "I have a better social life than most youngsters, my kids think I'm cool, I have wonderful friends, totally at ease with who I am & consider myself an elder who should be a good role model for the younger generation, teaching them that beauty comes from inside."

So for anyone thinking they are too old or that Boudoir Photography is only for the ladies in their 20's and 30's, you couldn't be more wrong. Don't just take my word for it though - look how STUNNING Karen looks in her photos.

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

I recently saw a quote on another Boudoir website that SHOUTED at me. I am paraphrasing but it was something like "Say you're doing it for him but do it for yourself". It is weird because when I went to get photos of myself it was primarily as a gift for my partner, Phil, but in the end it was a gift to myself.

My own experience during the process wasn't as glam or comfortable as I would have liked it to be BUT how often do we busy working women, mothers, wives, girlfriends get to sit and have our makeup done by a professional makeup artist? To dress up in new lingerie, heels, stockings and have a few hours that are just about us? When I got my photos I was excited to give them to my other half but to be very honest, I had a moment of thinking "Wow, I am a mother of four and I am in my forties and actually don't look half bad", which for anyone that knows me will know that this is a HUGE thing because I (like most women) spend most of the time picking holes in myself.

I had a lady in recently who said that she had never done anything like this. She didn't mean having photos done, she meant the whole experience of being pampered. Of being the "Star" for the day. She doesn't "do" spa days or have girly days. To be fair, how many of us have time?

This lovely lady Marie (shown here) followed up with a lovely message that read "I felt so special and yes, beautiful and not many of us busy working ladies/wives/mums etc get to feel that way often. I cannot wait to see my photographs, but just the experience left me feeling elated and on a high to which i haven't come down from yet." Can you believe this sexy woman has a son who turned 18 today? Amazing!

THAT part of my job (if I can call it a job since I love it so very much) makes me just as happy as when I process an amazing photograph.

I know that my clients often walk through the door feeling nervous and not knowing what to expect but as soon as they sit in the chair and realise that to me this is all about THEM then they soon relax and start to enjoy the whole experience. It is more than a photoshoot, it is about taking time to just relax and pamper yourself, to feel special and beautiful. The stunning photos at the end are the added bonus!

Love Yourself

When I trained as a counsellor some years ago, one of the criteria of a good therapist was to be non-judgmental  and in the setting of a one-to-one session with a client of course this is essential.

In every day life however we do sometimes look at someone (especially people we don't know) and make a judgement on how they look (wow, she is pretty/slim/has lovely hair etc).




My lovely client from last week, Emily is GORGEOUS but even she has some body issues (seriously??!!) and as a mother of four daughters it makes me so sad when I meet someone as stunning as this young lady and she is picking holes in herself. Don't get me wrong, Emily is a confident young lady but there were moments of "oh but I wish I could change .... " when she referred to herself.

I have decided that I am on a mission.

I did my own shoot for my other half but in the end, it turned out that I did it for ME. When I looked at my photos, I thought for the first time that actually I looked quite nice. In fact, in some of the shots (not all, not going to lie) I looked pretty bloody hot!!

I think it is time that we women embrace our bodies and I mean ALL women, regardless of size, shape, age, hair colour etc. I have lived my whole life not liking this roll or that wobble but since doing this job I have noticed how cruel we are to ourselves. It is time to stop, look at ourselves in the mirror and REALLY appreciate how individual and unique we all are. How boring would it be if we were all the same bust size, clothing size, height, shoes size etc?

I hope you enjoy the photos of the very lovely Emily - she is a superstar and just so very sweet.